not again!!!

Remember how i said i was content and happy with chris and patrick and friends and all that? Well it was true, and i let my feelings get the better of me and i let patrick start being my lover again, and now all the sudden he's giving me the silent treatment again! I just flippin got over this whole episode! i need help!

Please please please pray for me! i really need him, idc if its as a friend or a lover, i just need him in my life! ive been constantly praying for this, begging and asking god to answer my prayers! I even called him out on what he said in the bible! you know? Ask and you shall receive? I beleived fully that he would answer my prayer, but he hasnt!

Im getting all sorts of scatter brained and all that, and i dont know what to do! please please please pray for me!!!!!

my life at the moment.

well, its been three months since me and patrick broke up, and i have been in a sort of hazy depression for two months after. It doesnt seem like it was only two months, more like a year. or at least four months.

I have spent the last two months in utter denial, telling myself that i never loved him, and that i only missed him when i was bored, because thats exactly what my mom would tell me. I began to beleive it, and i was starting to accept that me and him were over.

I got a new boyfriend named Chris. He's cool, and i really like him. Im not sure if he's the right one for me, being he is older than patrick is. by like, two months, but he's sweet too.

I found myself thinking to myself last night, asking myself questions and comparing patrick to Chris, and afterward i found myself praying to god like i have been for so long.

Before, my prayers consisted of begging god to give me patrick back, because i wouldnt be able to live without him. Lately i have only been praying that If Chris wasnt the right one, then give me someone else i would love undieingly.

well, the very next morning [this morning] before church i got on myspace and found that patrick had messaged me and told me why he did what he did, and that he was sorry and he missed me and still loved me.

He told me how he only gave me the silent treatment cos he thought it would make the break up easier for me, and because if he talked to me, i would have talked him out of it. He said that he hadnt dated anyone because he isnt out of love with me, and he was only waiting for me to be legal.

Well, after he snapped and finally started talking to me again, we have agreed to just be friends for a while, and when im 17 if we still had feelings for eachother we would try again.

My mom says he only wants me back to get off, but really i know him better. If that is true, then im confident i can turn things around. But if it isnt, then more power to me. But for now im happy having a nice boyfriend, and the man i previously loved still close as a friend. [one that freely admits to loving me.]

I have also kept John close [sorta] by texting him every once in a while, but not too much. So right now im steadily healing and im grouping my friends back together.

Ive been getting out more too, instead of laying in my bed depressed all the time, and im passing my classes. I will be a freshman in high school next year, and 15 is coming closer all the time.

Right now, i feel like life is going fine. I will prolly go through some more things, but i have decided upon taking life one day at a time. Wish me luck everyone. ^_^

There was a girl who had everything when she was young, too young to understand about the world around her. She had a mommy she loved, and a father that loved her more than the world.
everything was wonderful, until of course her mom got a new boyfriend and they all moved into a new house. Away from her daddy. She went to see him every other week, but then one day she was told by her mother that she wasnt aloud to see her daddy, because he had done some bad things. She didnt under stand.
So the girl tried to live her best with her new family. Her brother, her mother, and her step dad.
Her step dad and mommy did drugs, so she never saw them much. Her mommy wasnt happy at all, but she entertained herself with the grand garden in the front yard.
Years passed and things happened. The pretty girl with the blond hair was molested by her brother, and her cousin. they were all to young to understand what was happening to them. It didnt matter. she felt like an huge weight had been lifted from her when her mommy found out and made them stop.
But the girl, as she grew, was groing depressed. Her blond hair darkened, her tan skin paled. She lost her interest in the world around her, and the only way to escape the dull colors of the world of dreams. Vibrant and colorfilled. It wasnt long after that she decided she was going to be an artist. She drew and drew and drew until her mind ran blank.
She was always a loner in school, her quiet best friend had moved away. So every lunch hour she'd quietly pick a group of people to sit with and watch, smiling as they ate. No one understood why she wore all black, or why her smiles were so dry. What was wrong with her? She was so skinny. . .
Soon drawing wasnt enough to satisfy her need for a new and colorfull world. She started to write. Fanfiction at first, but as the years progressed on, she started to write her own stories. Stories that stunned people. Awed them.
When she was ten years old, her brother told her what her daddy had done. Told her why he couldnt be her daddy anymore. He had molested her sister.
A year later she got news that her grandma was going to die. She was sad, unsatisfied with life. Why was god doing this to her? Why wasnt he listening? Did he care? Was there really a god?
A little while before her kind grandmother died of Lung cancer, her mommy found out that her step daddy was cheating on her. They moved out after the funeral. they moved into her grandma's house.
Away from the people she called friends, to live next to her aunt and uncle, and their kids. The little girl wasnt so little anymore. She had grown up. Her heart was so black and she was so unsatisfied. she wanted something that life just couldnt give her. Happiness and love. she wanted someone to wrapp her in his warm arms. But that just wouldnt happen. Men were dogs. So she turned to the most honest love she could possibly get. Female love. She didnt care if her mom didnt like it, she was old enough to make her own damn decisions. Especially about her love life.
they couldnt stay in her grandma's house though. It was going to be sold. So her mom got back together with her step dad, but they still werent happy. It was summer, and her church managed to come up with enough money for her to go to church camp. The little girl was so happy her mom said yes. So she went.
She met the most amazing man there. When she first saw him was when he was running with long legs across the church parking lot, ready to load up in the buss that would take them all to the camp. When he got on the buss, the girl had to know who he was, so she inquired to a few of her friends, who giggled as they told her his name. So beautiful. She didnt think she would see him again, as he seemed very popular, and he undoubtedly would be swept away into the large crowed.
but she did see him. Everywhere. In the physical world as well as her mind. His images haunted her, and soon, to her own surprise, she was following him almost everywhere around the church camp. She didnt know if he noticed, but she didnt care. If he was in sight, she was looking at him. Her heart thumped out of her chest whenever his big brown eyes would seemingly look into her own. And she would avert her gaze. She remembered when she finally got the courage to say something to him. Well, she had help, and he was the first to speak. she shook his hand, blushing at how soft it was, even if the fingertips were slightly caloused.
they became friends, keeping close contact even after she returned home. they talked on the internet and saw eachother at church. It was a while before she managed to tell him her feelings. Though she had a feeling he already knew. He didnt take it bad at all.
But another turn of events forced her to move again. Into a little house in a lakeside village closer to another aunt and her big sister.
New friends. . .More depression. Soon she didnt keep contact from her friends from her other school, and contact was limited between her and her most trusted friend. His mother didnt approve of her. . .People just drifted from her, leaving her alone once more.
But then one unseasonably cold summer day, on her way to the library, she didnt know when she looked to her right, looking straight through the gawking boy with the weed wacker.
and but a day later she saw him again, not knowing who he was. He was with a person she vaguely knew of, and so she walked up and said hi, plopping next to the tense boy on the table. she laughed, noticeing the creakiness of the unsturdy table they were on. Her first words to him were "Wow, some creaky tables right?" she laughed. He launched nervously into a tale about his friend breaking the table once. He wasnt anything special, but he did possess the beautiful brown eyes she loved so much. they laughed for a little while until he had to leave, and later that day she received a message on myspace. It was the boy. He was four years older then her, and he was asking her to go on a date with him to the park the following day at four oclock. She happily accepted, meeting him the next day. the day was filled with laughing, and flirting. and finally around nine, when she was on her way home, he kissed her. It was magic. Her first real kiss. It felt wonderful to put her arms around his neck and pull him closer to her. they were like that for the next month until they finally progressed, making love on a forest floor. It became one of those every day, not very special things. for months, six to be exact, before everything just fell apart. She loved him eith a passion, clinging to him with tight fingers as she felt him slipping away. her mother had found out about it all. He came to see her at her house a few times every couple of weeks, until finally he was forced to grow up and move away from his home. He went to live away. Too far away. they still said that they loved eachother and all of that creepy shit, but finally when he was to come into town again and spend time with her. . .he just didnt show up. And he wouldnt call or text her. she felt so alone. she wished for nothing more than to be able to rest her head on his chest again, but that wasnt going to happen. So she settled on gaining contact with the amazing boy she had met two years prior. He too had moved far away, so she didnt get to see him but on rare ocassions. But then again, she had quit going to church. Her faith was dwindling fast due to the fact that god just didnt seem interested in listening anymore. Cold.
She found a small bit of comfort being able to talk to him. he was just like that. Her big brother.
she felt the need to just talk to him when she needed an friend, like a good person he took it and lended support. It was always him. In the end, when her heart was filled to the brim with sadness and heart ache, when she loved the neglectfull man who left her for no reason at all...after so long...It was still him that she loved. His face she saw when she thought of the dreaded four letter word.
And she was so happy for him. He had been in a wonderfull relationship with an amazing girl, but she just could help but to feel her heart sink. Why couldnt she have what they had? Why couldnt the man she was with be like that? So perfect. . .
so one night. . .laying in her dark room starring up at the white paint above her. She got an idea. She had cut before, dabbled in suicide a little. But this time she felt it was real. the urge to just end it all, because she could see what was coming her way, the end. Why could she be like the other girls? why could she have love? Why didnt it exist? Because. she just wasnt pretty enough. Not for the man she had made love to. Not for the man she had met at church. not for anyone. She didnt deserve love. she was a bad, dirty little girl with no escape. So she sighed, seeing only two ways out. she could take the hard way, the long way. she could try her best to be pretty and bubbly. Try her best to make it down the road of life, work hard to get everything she wanted. . .Or she could lay there in all her pitifull depression, and let the dark swallow her up. let it suffocate her. Let it bring her into the void of eternal dark.
But what to choose?
If she chose life, she would undoubtidly have to face more and more of this wretched heart break. but then again, wasnt it worth it? to be able to watch the dawn of a new day on the horizon. so watch the birth of a child. To watch as those around her live and grow and prosper.
what would she choose?

Find out in my next blog post. I'll tell you what she is deciding. What im deciding.

here we are...

Im not sure why i feel so bad today. Maybe its because my boyfriend can find the time to go to kingsly and not here. Maybe its because an old boy friend wants to get back with me. Hell, maybe its because im having PMS isshues. but idk, it might even be because i cant get my shit ass computer to post the picture i have of one of my drawings.

But yeah, i have been making an effort to post about myself and my day lately. so here is a run down. I have posted ch 1 2 and 3 of my new story 'Overtaken' onto storywrite. Idt anyone has read it yet, but im hoping to get some feed back soon.

My mom went on a date with an airplane captain whose daughter is 14 and already a genius. Hell, the chick will have her pilots lisence before her car lisence. . .meh...

My art!!!!

I have decided to start posting regular updates on my art stuff, as well as the dorky vidios i will be posting on youtube...soon...maybe. Anyways...Today was a normal day i guess. except i wore PINK. and all the guys paid attention to me! yay!

Okay, also, a few things have been going through my head today, like maybe meeting someone new and falling in love again, getting married and having a few...!!! wait, did i just say the word MARRIAGE???

And then i started thinking about a wedding. What would mine be like? It would probably be a very out of the norm wedding, with neon green and blue ribbons, orange flowers, red drapes and carpets, and then neon silly string flying everywhere while trance music blasted and everyone danced all around.

But i think that, the only way i could possibly even think the word marriage, is if my best friend and brother John Pavlick, somehow disguised himself as a woman and was one of my maids of honor. But lets just face it, John can never, and would never, pass as a girl. Even if he wanted to. Which he wouldnt, because im sure that a brides maids dress would make him very uncomfortable. ^_^

Lmfao. I was thinking about john in a dress with shaved legs when i was in science class, and i started laughing, and everyone was like O.O. and the teacher was like "miss Petersen, do you find something funny about Solubility???" and i was like "no sir! '^-^"

The awesomenessez that isez mez!!!!

Okay, anyone who is anyone who has seen me, or talked to me, knows that i am the friggin shit. No, i dont mean the stuff thats always up your ass, i mean the awesome shit that makes the world go round. Without me, the worlds gravitational pull would be disrupted, sending time and space into a spinning chaos, freezing the deserts and heating the polar regions, flooding the earth and plunging the top of mt everest into the deapest depths of the ocean! I am the type of awesome that can go to fat to skinny in a few days! My eyes can even change friggin color! So does my hair from time to time...

You see? Where would you all be without me? Thats right, at the bottom of the ocean in little tiney water globes breathing out of air tanks for the rest of your lives. ^_^ Now, enough ranting. This was just a small blog post to get you to understand the awesome powers i possess. ^_^ [spelling not included]

This awesome post includes a few awesome photo's of me and my boyfriend Pat. Yes yes, your thinking that he wheres extremely big pants. Well, he does. Not only does he need the extra space to put various different things in his pockets, he has isshues about people looking at his butt. ^_^

His hair is also a bit longer now days as well, and he hasnt shaved in god knows how long, so he's got this cute little beard/mustache/side burn thing going on. lol.

Snow...

When i was little, stuck inside while my father worked and my mother sat reading her books, i remember looking out the window and giggling at the sight of the little frozen ice specs that fell lightly to the ground, covering it in a cold winter blanket.
But when i got older, and finaly i could go outside, i descovered that the snow really wasnt as magical as i thought it was. My big brother often put my face in it, threw it at me, and left me out alone in the middle of a snowy feald. [Was afraid of being alone]
The snow was my worst enemy from then on. The summers seemingly were very short, and the winters never ended. I would glare at the tiny shapes of snow that would fall from the sky like rain, wondering why the heat of my hatred wouldnt melt them.
And to this day i hate the snow. Being as young as i am, i cant use it to my advantage, like everything else around me. The snow prevents me from being with the man i love. I would probably love the snow if it wasnt so cold, or if i was older, and could drive to see my Patrick and get warm in his arms. But NO!!! life has to be cruel to me, and freez the earth so i cant see my patrick....

This morning me and my brother woke from a peaceful sleep, got ready, and then went out into the freezing snow, in the middle of a snow storm. We waited for at least a half an hour in the snow, occumulating inches of snow on our bodies. To make things better, i wasnt propperly dressed for the snow. I was in a SMALL SWEAT SHIRT AND JEANS.
And to top things off, the buss never came. It was a snow day. So me and River trudged back into the hour, covered in snow, and watched a movie. My hair didnt thaw until an hour later...

so....to conclude this post on snow....BA HUMBUG!

first in a long time

Some things have happened to me in the past four months, since i met the man i love in late june. It started with a trip to the library. He saw me, and i looked right through him like he wasnt even there. Whenever he saw me in town from then on he whistled, yelled, and then went to run and hide whenever i looked toward him, until one day i followed the noise...

I met Patrick Michael Paquette at the park where he was sitting with a friend smoking a cigerette. I didnt really give him much attention, but i knew he was looking at me. So i went over and started to talk to the guy he was sitting with, whom i knew already to be Chriss Douglas.

I sat next to patrick, and grinned when i felt him tense by my side, and i turned and smiled at him, and i earned a very nervouse smile from him, and then i made a comment about the table we were sitting on. We talked about the table for the next five minutes before his friend Ty appeared. I didnt like him. I hung out with the group of people, just because i was starting to feel like i maybe liked to talk to this new and interesting person.

Right now i cant stand to look at the table we had first met on. It makes me cry when i look at a spot that has so many memories tied to it, and to know that there wont be any new ones being made.

July 6th 2009, two weeks after we met, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes, and for two months after that, we had an amazing time, seeing eachother every day, growing closer and closer. Until mom found out we were having sex.

Im not aloud to see him outside of my home anymore. And as you can imagin a boy doesnt just want to sit down in his girlfriend house and kiss her all the time. Its boring. So we grew apart. ve tried to end things with him, but we just arent ready to let go of eachother.

Im growing more depressed the longer he is away, and im sure he is losing interest. I just wish God would answer the prayer i have been praying for the last month now, and help our relationship. I gave everything to Patrick. I want him to be the one i stay with.

Please dear readers. Pray for me and patrick. Pray that our relationship survives and gets better. My voice is getting tired of asking each night. My eyes hurt from crying. I want to be happy again. Help me.

Thank you very much. Talk to you later.

back!!!

okay, im sooo sorry its been like a month since i have updated, and in that last month alot has happened. alot of drama and alot of shit.
well, me and patrick are in a hardspot. my mother found out out about our relationship, and im not aloud out of the house without an adult every day now. patrick got his job back tat he lost because of me and he is working every day all day and making good money. but we havent been seeing eachother lately. a few nights he has spent outside with me in secret, but that didnt last either. since he got a job. and then his own mo9ther said that he wasnt aloud to date me anymore or she would call the cops on him or kick him outof the house.so now he is working hard so he can get a house. byut the other day my friend lee told me that patrick had a new girlfriend. i confronted hm about it and he said hat he only saw her once, and it was for his mothers sake. he said he wouldnt be seeing her again. despite our recentfights over stupid shit, he still can say he loves me and he still tells me godnight. i think he will be coming over soon to a party we are havin for the older folk. he was invited for my sake i beleive.but anyway. i dont think we are dating or waiting for eachother anymore. i think we might get back ogether when he has his own place, but not until he realizes that whn you wait for someone, regardless of if you thinkyour mother is suspiciouse, you dont date other girls!
especialy not you best friends ex girlfriend.

but yeah, today i went to traverse city and got a few pars of pants and makeup with a hair straightener. i have lost a awesome amoutn of weight, although i think i gained soem after eating burger king...
and i went to an awesome fun corse today and rode the very large zip line and gt the pleasure of seeing the young workers on the zipline flirt with me. ^_^

im downloading a few songs from grease on blubster too, and enjoing myself very much.

TTYL!!!

3: 23 AM

it is now 3:24 Am in the morning, i just got done talking to my man on the meebo IM, and i cant sleep because my broither herd some mysterious foot steps out side of the bathroom. and no one but us is in the house. and sicne that wouldnt be my only encounter with a misterious happening in my house past midnight, i am awake and alert and im going to fall asleep tomarow in the middle fot he road!

i am now going to tell you of my adventure at the dental office this fine. . .well, yesterday morning. it really wasnt all that bad. i have descovered that i have a few cavities. not bad ones, just minor ones that can be easily fixed. my poor little brother on the other hand is a different story. he got. . .cavity fillers. . .i just had my teeth cleaned!

and well, afterwards they put some icky florite in my mouth, and as soon as i got home i brushed it out even if they told me not too.
and then my man was being my savior and gave me a much deserved cigerette after i got into town. and then he finaly let me take a picture of his face, and a few of us together, and then he had a blast taking pic's of me on his phone, which he is going to try and put on myspace.

so when i get phone minutes i will be posting some pictures of the guy i am in love with. and be warned, as cute and hot and sexy as i think he is, you might not think so. but i think you all will like him. lol.

ima gona make a quick description of him. . .just so you get an ideah, because when i get minutes. . .well, that will be a LONG time from now. trust me.

PATRICK PAQUETTE [pat-rick peck-et]

age: 17
birth: 2-10-92
body: skinny/muscular
hair: short/dark brown
eye color: BROWN
accesories: glasses

he always weares baggy clothes. and he ties his shoes really tight. he always seems to be ducking in and out of the view of people he knows.


but yeah. im tired and i can barely stand. i need to go to bed now, ttyl!!!

DREADED DENTIST

yes dear readers. . .i am indeed going tot he dentist today. for the very first time in my life. and just so you all know, i have lives 13 and a half years on the planit earth, in the country known as america in the middle of the state of michigan in the small village known as central lake, whick is located in antrim county. does that narrow things down a little?
well, my father and my boy friend have made it a point to run down my minutes on my cell phone, and i already had trouble keeping minutes on my phone to begin with, so my plan is to get a damn job, raise and save money to get a cell phone and pay monthly for unlimited texting. yes yes it all sounds great, and i have yet to search for the catch! and if i cant pay for unlimited texting, i suppose id just get a real phone so i can at least have an awesome ringtone. ^_^

and this morning i am off to the dentist! this will be my very first trip, and its only to get my teeth checked and cleaned i do beleive. im not scared or anything. im just a little curious, and i might get scared if the guy points a drill at my teeth and yells "root canal!" and then id scream and bolt from the room all the way two town over and then jump into the arms of a still sleeping patrick paquette who will role over onto the floor and wake up and start yelling, and then he will notice im there, get out a pack of his fav cigerettes and ask when the dream will end.

how is that for a detailed fortune telling???
well, i wouldhave posted pic's of me and my man, but sadly he is picture shy. i have two very sexy pictures of him without his shirt, but it doesnt show his face.

and dear lynn i dont want to scar your eyes wih pictures of men half naked!

and john i know you are not gay, even if the things you say and how you say them might seem a little homosexual. i love you!!! *smiles really big*

i havent been doing much this past week. i have only lost the books i got from the library, gone to the lake with my boyfriend without my mothers permission and failed to update my twitter every day. and now i am out of text minutes so i cant take pics and post them up here.

but alas dear readers, i must depart from you now, for i have to make my little brothers bath.
BUBBLES!!!

KARMA. . .

well, i should kick myself for letting my weekly blog posts turn into my monthly blog posts, because alot of interesting things have happened.
pat officaily became my boyfriend two weeks ago, and yes i have shared myself with him already, and he has not lost interest in me so far, in fact he says he cant waot until i grow up so he can steal me from my mother. lol. i cant say i would be terribly unhappy about that theft.

i am still half asleep here to bare with me, i am doing a quick blog post before going to church today. as attached to pat as i am, i havnt been skipping out on church. exept last week i was bit on the wrist by kyle AGAIN for the 300th time, and then shortly after he grabbed my hanmd and punched me in the face with it, resulting in a bloody lip. can you imagin what i looked like with running eyeliner and a bloody lip? VAMPIRE!!!

and just yesterday, since pat broke his ankle again and we had nothing to do because his ankle was broke and he couldnt do much himself, we picked a random abandoned house for sale to sit around. we picked a nice comfy spot on the back porch and stayed there until we got caught!

and then while james searched around the house for his head phones he had lost, pat decided to lay in the middle of the road. yes people, i did drag him out of the way of the green truck that was coming, that just so happened to be my cousin howards. [aka scooter]
we ended up staying over at his house for the remainder of our time, were i was bit my a jerble, and they played vidio games.

i was sitting on a small chair facing a jerble while pat sat next to me in another chair. the jerble was cute, and i wanted to touch it, and scooter said i could. so i picked it up, forgetting that the nice jerble had died, and that this was the mean one. i held it for a minute and let it sniff my finger, and then it BIT me. i watched and didnt make a sound as the blood oozed up from its teeth and streamed down my finger, and then my arm. then it released me, and the blood flow thickened. pat started laughing really hard, and scooter came over, examined my finger, told the jerble "good boy" and said the blood was "wicked!"
and then i went to the bathroom and washed it out, and when the blood wouldnt stop, i simply put it in my mouth. i walked outside because my finger was throbbing and hurting, and pat follows me and is still laughing. i growl, and he gets a look at my bloody teeth, and then he starts trying to takle pictures with his phone. i escape him and sit down in the living room watching my brother and scooter playing vidio games.
and then pat sat in the chair behind me and we chatted while they played, until the end when we faced eachother in guitar hero 3.
he beat me, but i was using a guitar and he was using the stupid controler. and he put us on expert! im a strictly hard person. not expert. which is why i lost.

but then i gave pat a final kiss and headed home because it was 7 and time for me to go home. and he had to see his mom for something.


thats all really, im just sitting here at my computer typing this out and waiting for the church buss to get here so that kyle can abuse me some more. . .

see ya later!

NEW! [insert sparkles]

as you can tell from the rather sparkling title, there have been some changes in my life. and i feel like reminising. i have no idea how to spell that word. . .
but yes, so much has changed in the last year or two. like last summer my life was hell and it just seemed to be a spinning mess. and then i went to this camp. i got saved for real, and i met some unforgettable friends. some of which i dont ever want to forget, and some that i think i might have already forgotten.
i met taylor and heidi west. if i ever needed some girl advise, i would probably go to heidi.
i met cayleb flaharty. i havnt seen him around lately. him and his girlfriend are really busy. last i hear they were getting married. i dont know if they have broken it off yet. im not sure if its a good or bad thing.
and i met john pavlick. um, not much to say there except he has prbably weasled his way into my best friends list, and then placed himself at the very tip top. i dont talk to him alot, cos he is very busy with his life at the moment, but i really dont want him to just. . .fade away. . .like the rest of the people seem to be doing. but if he does, i think i have him completely burned into my memory. i think without him i wouldhave already bled to death. . .[shiver]

and then when mom and andy broke up again and me and mom went to live in central lake after a long series of moving around. i met several people here. for a while i didnt meet anyone because i wasnt aloud out of the house without mother, but since james [my brother] is back in the house, i have been alowed to go places with him.
i have met some small people, but really not anyone important. kayla haladay is prolly the most important in school, and hailey bullock. and sometimes kayla straight. she is therwe when i need her in math class. ^_^
robert and lee also, but i dont see them often.
lee is like the best girlfriend ever, i love him even when he loves guys!
robert is a shy and quiet little mastermind. he knows everything about computers and such things. he a big teddy bear too!!!

and just recently i have aquired some ibnteresting new friends.
i am still working of dillan cary. he is a tall dark and hot 16 year old. hell, he looks 21 though i swear! the dude is 6,1 !!!

and then i met Nathen. . .he is a very small and annoying little 12 year old. 4,7. sometimes i think he and dillan or joined at the hip. doing freaky stunts around the small town.

and also in the equation is Patrick Pequette. he is utterly average, but probably my favorite in this group. he is 5,9 and 17 years old. i hang with him more than i do thwe others, and i feel comfortable. he is probably my brothers first guy friend in this town. he is a major smartass, but when i say something highly inteligent that he doesnt understand, he admits it. he is very attached to me. he looks at me like im something nice and tasty to eat. and he usualy chooses ti hang with me over his other buddies. i have made out with this guy on numerous occasions, but it hasnt gotten too far. . .we were interupted before it could.

but yes, i have found a group that i can hang with, and i have found a place to hang with them.
there are two places i know about so far. there is "the toilet" which consists of a ditch, a few tree's, and a broken toilet in the ditch.
and then there is the ruins. it is an old burned diown train station from the early 1900's. all that is left is a few of the concreat walls. tree's have gronw all around the little place. its actually very interesting.
i havent really seen any of the other hide aways yet, but im sure pat will show me sooner or later.

see ya all!

um. . .

yeah, ya know how i said i was dating jordan? well, that didnt last long. . .
we are so done with.

LOL

well, i have news that none of you have ever heard of! ever in your life times. and i now that all of my readers no me to be that one person who shoots down every boy in the area to avoid trouble yes? [readers boo and say no.]
well, haha, i am now dating jordan peterson. he is a tall 14 ywear old that could pass for 18, and had long dark brown hair and nice skin, and he kinda looks like harry potter!
haha, i have been dating him for a week, and we have tal;ked on the phone seven hours a day, and then we went swimming together! [and i aquired some nasty swimmers itch]
he works in a family owned bakery, and has money for college and money for spending and all of that good stuff. he is awesome and nice and not like any of them other jerk offs i have dated.
[readers close eyes and shake heads] lol, ttyl, i have nothing more to say at the moment!

im back!

well, it seems that the quarrell with me and torrie is over and done with. i have proved myself a rather mature person, with my high grammer skills and my way of communicating, but torrie has also told me that i have some things to grow up on. i am an uneven person, while my mind is smart, i seem to be holding myself back in the way of reputation. i have been so worried about what people think about me, that i seem to have braught myself down to their level of thinking, thus making retarded and embarassing attitude, second nature, and i have lost the respect of the ones i wanted to impress. i had just the opposite effect. furthermore, i am done using stupid language and stuping to the level of those little retards that beleive that they are better than I. i will now be being me and only me, and despite what the others think, i will carry on being me.

and now that my very touching speech is in fact over, i will tell you all of the journey i have had this past week. . .
well, i have discovered yet another wonderfull band via youtube. TOKIO HOTEL. they are simply amazing in every way possible. they seem to have a song for everything and every mood one person is in.
weather they are suicidal, rebeliouse, in love, or just happy and content, tokio hotel has a song for them. they have become famouse all over the world, in places including isreal!
the poeple love this group of four teenagers, that started their career simply writing lyrics at the tender age of seven years old when their parrents devorced, the kaulitz twins then started their band. they gathered the bass guitarist and the drumer at a show they did, and then became famous all around their home country of germany.

the band members consist of the kaulitz twins, bill and tom kaulitz, and gaustav and georg.
bill is the lead singer [he looks like a girl]
tom is the guitarist [looks like a gangster]
gaustav i beleive is on bass
and georg is on drums

i have a favourite song i will be posting on this blog, and i think you will enjoy its meaning as much as i have.

TOKIO HOTEL : "DONT JUMP"

On top of the roof
The air is so cold and so calm
I say your name in silence
You don't wanna hear it right now
The eyes of the city
Are counting the tears falling down
Each one a promise
Of everything you never found

I scream into the night for you
Don't make it true
Don't jump
The lights will not guide you through
They're deceiving you
Don't jump
Don't let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don't jump

You open your eyes
But you can't remember what for
The snow falls quietly
You just can't feel it no more
Somewhere out there
You lost yourself in your pain
You dream of the end
To start all over again

I scream into the night for you
Don't make it true
Don't jump
The lights will not guide you through
They're deceiving you
Don't jump
Don't let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don't jump
Don't jump

I don't know how long
I can hold you so strong
I don't know how long

Just take my hand
Give it a chance
Don't jump

I scream into the night for you
Don't make it true
Don't jump
The lights will not guide you through
They're deceiving you
Don't jump
Don't let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don't jump
Don't jump
And if all that can't hold you back
I'll jump for you

CAR SHOW!!!

well, yesterday i went to this awesomely stellar car show. there was some pretty hot cars that when they purred to life, it was almost orgasmic. lol.

i was a happy girl yesterday.

i saw corvets, vipers, mustangs, GT's, bugs, and even motercycles! you see, central lake is a turist village. almost everyone from down state comes up to central lake and bellaire to see torch lake. and because of the three most beautiful towns in michigan happen to be on torch lake, those towns are packed during the summer with all kinds of people

in central lake, we have the ever famous kid rock living just down the street from me. isnt that cool??? his house is locked and gaurded though. . .

the three tows that are hot spots for the tourists and the famouse people are alden, bellaire, and central lake.

now imagin these pretty little tows. they arent packed, and the sun is shining on the snow on the ground. . .

thats winter

now imagin parties and singing and people every where.

thats summer.

anyway, after the car show i went to my aunt nessa's to see my cousin colton who was up for a weekend from alfa house down state in luddington. and ym other cousin gerritt was there too. and i got to see torrie, who graduated. i am going to her open house today at 2:00 pm and i am going to show up in these awesome tripp pants. and then i am going to dress up into a black dress for the party.

i have only worn a dress twice since i turned 6, so this is a HISTORICAL event. . .

i have descovered. . .

SILVER LINING

john, you are amazing, i just though i should point that out to you. i have been listening to some of your songs on soundclick, and i am very impressed. the music is very pleasing to my ears.

but there is just a few things i would have to disagree with you on.

on your profile you said that your fav song is "falling in love on accident"
but i strongly dissagree. so far, your best work is candyflip. falling in love on accident is good yes, but its only your best because you are a love stricken puppy dog.


okay, and back to my blogging. . .

THE TREADMILL

yes, the treadmill. i am now going to be working out. i am bored now that school is over, and for anyone who had actualy seen me in person, i am a bit chubby yes? well, now i know what to do with my free time now that school is out!!!

i will be dedicating my free time to the treadmill, and since mom has no money to get food, i wont be eating either!!! so thats like, major weight loss! and i am walking into town alot more thanks to my big brother. i will not only be treadmill-ing, but doing crunches, push ups, and pull ups as well. and as soon as i go down to a size 3 like my friend TJ [who used to be fat] i will start wearing girl clothes!!! never will i wear pink, but blue green and red, yes! maybe some orange too. . .but yes, i will be starting to dress like a girl!!!

but in no way at all does that ,ean i will be stripping myself of my whorely attitude. i have spent my whole life working on my rep, and everyone loves me for it. i will not be changing that!!!

so anyway, my goal for this month is to be able to wear a bikini and feel good about it! ^_^

BASS FEST!!!

well, i had a blast yesterday. you see, every year after school ends, there is a festival dedicated to bass! [i guess] well, i have not missed a year since i was born, and this year was most likely the best and the worse.

i spent the first fifteen minutes riding rides with my little brother, it was the super slide. it is like, 20 feet into the air, and you slide down super fast. my little brother went on it like, 25 times.

and then i met up with charls and TJ. they are my bisexual awesome friends. TJ left to go live in travers city for the remainder of his minor life. so i spent the rest of my time comforting charls, who admitted he had a crush on me, and he had one since he first met me five years ago. he had a dollar in his pocket, and i was empty handed, so we passed this really nice [and hot] carny who offered to let charls try and get me a stuffed animal. the original price was 2 dollars, but the carny had pitty on charls and let him have a go for 1. charls lost pitifully, but the nice carny gave him a stuffed animal to give to me anyway. so thats the story of how i got my SQUISHY!!! he is a little stuffed teddy bear!

the second half was spent with katlyn. she is a annoying handful and she would not leave me charls, or my brother alone. we went on every ride at least three times before the police were looking for her because she ditched her mother.

but after that, we all ran into some old friends of my brothers. his firnd rachael, and her boyfriend cody. now, cody, rachael, and whatever friends they had with them had a long conversation about how sexy i was, and that i couldnt possibly be 13 years old. well, me and rachael ditched the boys to go onto the star. . .and i am afread of hights. the star is like a huge ferris wheel that you can rock in, and flipp over in and stuff. i wanted to puke, but rachael is an angel, and she didnt rock the wheel. . .but thwne i got in with cody. . .i threatened to puke on him at least five times, but i never did, and i had alot of fun. cody said i was cute at least ten times. he is 20 years old, and rachael is 16. i rode rides with them for the remainder of my time after charls had to leave,a nd rachael gave me lessons on how to flirt with the carny's to get longer rides! and what do you know? IT WORKED!

after another three times going on the star, me and rachael watched my brother and cody on the bumper cars.

and after that, it was closing time. so we all went our sperate ways to go home.

but i did have alot of fun!

the pic is of rachael when we were in the gravitron.

pictures!

well, i have had several awsome things happen to me this week. i died my hair, hung out with awesome friends, and died my hair! oh, and i got some awesome pic's of my fav neice destiny. i love dessy. . .i can only hope that my kid is this cute!

adorable isnt she???