well, its been three months since me and patrick broke up, and i have been in a sort of hazy depression for two months after. It doesnt seem like it was only two months, more like a year. or at least four months.
I have spent the last two months in utter denial, telling myself that i never loved him, and that i only missed him when i was bored, because thats exactly what my mom would tell me. I began to beleive it, and i was starting to accept that me and him were over.
I got a new boyfriend named Chris. He's cool, and i really like him. Im not sure if he's the right one for me, being he is older than patrick is. by like, two months, but he's sweet too.
I found myself thinking to myself last night, asking myself questions and comparing patrick to Chris, and afterward i found myself praying to god like i have been for so long.
Before, my prayers consisted of begging god to give me patrick back, because i wouldnt be able to live without him. Lately i have only been praying that If Chris wasnt the right one, then give me someone else i would love undieingly.
well, the very next morning [this morning] before church i got on myspace and found that patrick had messaged me and told me why he did what he did, and that he was sorry and he missed me and still loved me.
He told me how he only gave me the silent treatment cos he thought it would make the break up easier for me, and because if he talked to me, i would have talked him out of it. He said that he hadnt dated anyone because he isnt out of love with me, and he was only waiting for me to be legal.
Well, after he snapped and finally started talking to me again, we have agreed to just be friends for a while, and when im 17 if we still had feelings for eachother we would try again.
My mom says he only wants me back to get off, but really i know him better. If that is true, then im confident i can turn things around. But if it isnt, then more power to me. But for now im happy having a nice boyfriend, and the man i previously loved still close as a friend. [one that freely admits to loving me.]
I have also kept John close [sorta] by texting him every once in a while, but not too much. So right now im steadily healing and im grouping my friends back together.
Ive been getting out more too, instead of laying in my bed depressed all the time, and im passing my classes. I will be a freshman in high school next year, and 15 is coming closer all the time.
Right now, i feel like life is going fine. I will prolly go through some more things, but i have decided upon taking life one day at a time. Wish me luck everyone. ^_^
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