LOL

i am so weird right now. i just got a letter form caleb flayharty [aka turtle]
he has been confessing his undying love for me all through the week. he even called me his queen. i guess i am a little bit attractive. and apperintly i have inspired his to stop drinking/smoking and doing drugs. and he thinks that i was sent to him by god. um...if I was sent by anyone, it wouldnt be god. but anyway, i seem to have done a good job helping him out with some problems. but it seems to be having a weird affect on him when he sees me interacting with john and kyle...he knew i wanted to talk to john last week, so he started talking to him. and when i hugged kyle [cos he's awesome] cayleb got all jelouse and stormed off. i was so trippy . . .

................

well, my power is being shut off over here. i am depressed and quite possibly moving to kansas or carolina this year.....um.....yeah, i am suffering from a major lack of interest in anything right now, so i cant continue this post. but i wont be posting back unless something good happens.

Multi-subjective

well, sunday was a day i like to brag about. if your a vampire geek, then you would be exited about being bitten on the wrist by another vampire geek. it hurt like hell, but kyle bit me.
there are only two people i would liekt o bite in this world [that i have a chance with] kyle, wich i might bite him next weak, and one other.......he knows who he is....i hope, i have made my love for him very obviouse on many ocasions....

ever get the feeling your pouring your heart into something, and getting no where at all? its a very frusterating feeling, but i guess it cant be helped. all i can really do is be happy for him and his so far so good relationship.

but it really didnt help that he was soooooo hot when i saw him last....sparkling brown eyes and beautiful tan skin....tall slim body.....carelessly beautiful hair.......

GOD DAMMIT WHY CANT I HAVE ANY LUCK WITH GUYS??? IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A MAN THAT WILL LOVE ME, AND WANT TO BE LOVED BY ME???
IS IT SO RONG FOR ME TO WANT TO LAUGH WITH A GUY AND WATCH A MOVIE WITH HIM, OR KISS HIM? EVERYTIME I THINK I FINALLY FOUND THAT GUY, HE TURNS OUT TO BE A USER!

srsly, james was the worst mistake of my life. i probably should have got that when he started to stick his hands down my pants or up my shirt, but god....now that im watching him do it to some one else, its really easy to see. how could i be so blind? and now that i know what an ugly personality he has, i can see that he was also nasty looking physically....in the face anyway.


i wrote a poem a little while ago.....my teacher read it over my shoulder and said he liked it.

i feel like im fading
my heart beats are numbered
my breathing will stop
my body will slumber

away from the depression
broken away, im free
im n a place where i can be happy
my eyes are open and i can see

theres no crying in this place
only happyness abd bliss
i look down to my life
and there are some things i think ill miss

but for now ill watch them live
and be happy for there life
i have no regrets for where i am
but a new respect for time

i was foolish to end it there
when i had so many years ahead
i should have thought of the people i left
but i thought of my pain instead



i know its a long poem, but i had a lot of time on my hands.......

men from apes???

last night, after pkaying a rather fun game of sims at my aunt nessa's house, i listened into a copnversation about the apes in africa. apperintly, people have been following these monkies around, and are shocked to find out that the way these things solve there problems, is sex.

yes, they followed several apesaround, and when they would fight, it would almost always end in sex. the monkies have oral sex, bisexual sex, gay sex, and face to face sex.

OMG ISNT THAT FRICKIN CREEPY. KINDA MAKES YOU BELEIVE THE HOLE EVALUTION THING!!!!!

my mom was watching late tv when she found this out. the screen had to be sencered because of the hole thing.

isnt curch supposed to be comforting?

all the way to the church, from the minute i got on the buss, i was picked on merssalissly.
the high schoolers called me a stupid lezbo, and if that not enough, they started picking on me because i was emo. they called me edward scissor hands. so naturaly, i blew up.

i screamed at matt scott and called him a stupid eskimo hooker. and then i turned to mike buttler and called him a butt munch. then i yelled at nick ingersaw. he is just a douche.
and for you info, i was yelling all of this. like, really loud.

and then all through church they would whisper and joke about what a little freak i was.
so i started beatting the crap out of them. and i got in trouble for it. oh well, it was worth it.

but now i will be getting ready for my neices birthday. little ovne joy is turning two years old on saterday. i am going present shopping.

lonely

okay, i thought i could handle it at least a year without cutting. but i guess not. i started again. but what do you expect? life is shit right now. i dont have much to do either, to take my mind off of things. but i am going to church in a few. kyle is a new uptake in my life, but im depressed that, with one thing that comes up, something goes away. and it just so happins to be the most important thing in my life.

i had a dream last night that my mom was going to die of cancer, and that i was going to die soon after. i guess the dream has me scared, because when i was asleep, i was thinking. i was actualy searching through my mind about my reasons for living. friends...family...my future...

but all of it seems really insignificant if the most important person in my life might be leaving for up to four years....i dont know if he/she will remember me when he/she comes back. and thats what scares me. i never really thought of myself as a memorable person. and thats most likely why.

gotta go, buss is here.

Techno, electro, disco IDC

i have found the god of all electronic music!!! and this godly band is called "basshunter"
omg omg they write the most amazing songs!

dota is the first one i herd. it is in swedish, but the beat is fantabulistic!
the second is their remake of the numa numa song. also very amazing. its sung by a chick, so its not gay.
the third is their most amazing song. its titled "all i ever wanted." it is by far my favorite.
and the last song i herd is called "now your gone" it is kinda sad, but it has amazing sound. it would make any disco geek a happy person forever!!! yay! go basshunter.

LYRICS "ALL I EVER WANTED" BY: BASSHUNTER

All I ever wanted
was to see you smiling
I know that I love you
oh baby why don't you see

All I ever wanted
was to see you smiling
all I ever wanted was to make you mine
I know that I love you
oh baby why don't you see
that all I ever wanted was you and me

All I ever wanted was to see you smiling
all I ever wanted was to make you mine
I know that I love you
oh baby why don't you see
that all I ever wanted was you and me

(drum and bass)
I'm so alone
here on my own
and I'm waiting for you to come
I want to be
a part of you
think of all the things we could do

and everyday, you're in my head
I want to have you in my bed
you are the one, you're in my eyes
all I ever wanted in my life

All I ever wanted was to see you smiling
all I ever wanted was to make you mine
I know that I love you
oh baby why don't you see
that all I ever wanted was you and me

All I ever wanted was to see you smiling
all I ever wanted was to make you mine
I know that I love you
oh baby why don't you see
that all I ever wanted was you and me

(are you ready)
all I ever wanted was to see you smiling
all I ever wanted was to make you mine
I know that I love you
oh baby why don't you see
that all I ever wanted was you and me

all I ever wanted!