There was a girl who had everything when she was young, too young to understand about the world around her. She had a mommy she loved, and a father that loved her more than the world.
everything was wonderful, until of course her mom got a new boyfriend and they all moved into a new house. Away from her daddy. She went to see him every other week, but then one day she was told by her mother that she wasnt aloud to see her daddy, because he had done some bad things. She didnt under stand.
So the girl tried to live her best with her new family. Her brother, her mother, and her step dad.
Her step dad and mommy did drugs, so she never saw them much. Her mommy wasnt happy at all, but she entertained herself with the grand garden in the front yard.
Years passed and things happened. The pretty girl with the blond hair was molested by her brother, and her cousin. they were all to young to understand what was happening to them. It didnt matter. she felt like an huge weight had been lifted from her when her mommy found out and made them stop.
But the girl, as she grew, was groing depressed. Her blond hair darkened, her tan skin paled. She lost her interest in the world around her, and the only way to escape the dull colors of the world of dreams. Vibrant and colorfilled. It wasnt long after that she decided she was going to be an artist. She drew and drew and drew until her mind ran blank.
She was always a loner in school, her quiet best friend had moved away. So every lunch hour she'd quietly pick a group of people to sit with and watch, smiling as they ate. No one understood why she wore all black, or why her smiles were so dry. What was wrong with her? She was so skinny. . .
Soon drawing wasnt enough to satisfy her need for a new and colorfull world. She started to write. Fanfiction at first, but as the years progressed on, she started to write her own stories. Stories that stunned people. Awed them.
When she was ten years old, her brother told her what her daddy had done. Told her why he couldnt be her daddy anymore. He had molested her sister.
A year later she got news that her grandma was going to die. She was sad, unsatisfied with life. Why was god doing this to her? Why wasnt he listening? Did he care? Was there really a god?
A little while before her kind grandmother died of Lung cancer, her mommy found out that her step daddy was cheating on her. They moved out after the funeral. they moved into her grandma's house.
Away from the people she called friends, to live next to her aunt and uncle, and their kids. The little girl wasnt so little anymore. She had grown up. Her heart was so black and she was so unsatisfied. she wanted something that life just couldnt give her. Happiness and love. she wanted someone to wrapp her in his warm arms. But that just wouldnt happen. Men were dogs. So she turned to the most honest love she could possibly get. Female love. She didnt care if her mom didnt like it, she was old enough to make her own damn decisions. Especially about her love life.
they couldnt stay in her grandma's house though. It was going to be sold. So her mom got back together with her step dad, but they still werent happy. It was summer, and her church managed to come up with enough money for her to go to church camp. The little girl was so happy her mom said yes. So she went.
She met the most amazing man there. When she first saw him was when he was running with long legs across the church parking lot, ready to load up in the buss that would take them all to the camp. When he got on the buss, the girl had to know who he was, so she inquired to a few of her friends, who giggled as they told her his name. So beautiful. She didnt think she would see him again, as he seemed very popular, and he undoubtedly would be swept away into the large crowed.
but she did see him. Everywhere. In the physical world as well as her mind. His images haunted her, and soon, to her own surprise, she was following him almost everywhere around the church camp. She didnt know if he noticed, but she didnt care. If he was in sight, she was looking at him. Her heart thumped out of her chest whenever his big brown eyes would seemingly look into her own. And she would avert her gaze. She remembered when she finally got the courage to say something to him. Well, she had help, and he was the first to speak. she shook his hand, blushing at how soft it was, even if the fingertips were slightly caloused.
they became friends, keeping close contact even after she returned home. they talked on the internet and saw eachother at church. It was a while before she managed to tell him her feelings. Though she had a feeling he already knew. He didnt take it bad at all.
But another turn of events forced her to move again. Into a little house in a lakeside village closer to another aunt and her big sister.
New friends. . .More depression. Soon she didnt keep contact from her friends from her other school, and contact was limited between her and her most trusted friend. His mother didnt approve of her. . .People just drifted from her, leaving her alone once more.
But then one unseasonably cold summer day, on her way to the library, she didnt know when she looked to her right, looking straight through the gawking boy with the weed wacker.
and but a day later she saw him again, not knowing who he was. He was with a person she vaguely knew of, and so she walked up and said hi, plopping next to the tense boy on the table. she laughed, noticeing the creakiness of the unsturdy table they were on. Her first words to him were "Wow, some creaky tables right?" she laughed. He launched nervously into a tale about his friend breaking the table once. He wasnt anything special, but he did possess the beautiful brown eyes she loved so much. they laughed for a little while until he had to leave, and later that day she received a message on myspace. It was the boy. He was four years older then her, and he was asking her to go on a date with him to the park the following day at four oclock. She happily accepted, meeting him the next day. the day was filled with laughing, and flirting. and finally around nine, when she was on her way home, he kissed her. It was magic. Her first real kiss. It felt wonderful to put her arms around his neck and pull him closer to her. they were like that for the next month until they finally progressed, making love on a forest floor. It became one of those every day, not very special things. for months, six to be exact, before everything just fell apart. She loved him eith a passion, clinging to him with tight fingers as she felt him slipping away. her mother had found out about it all. He came to see her at her house a few times every couple of weeks, until finally he was forced to grow up and move away from his home. He went to live away. Too far away. they still said that they loved eachother and all of that creepy shit, but finally when he was to come into town again and spend time with her. . .he just didnt show up. And he wouldnt call or text her. she felt so alone. she wished for nothing more than to be able to rest her head on his chest again, but that wasnt going to happen. So she settled on gaining contact with the amazing boy she had met two years prior. He too had moved far away, so she didnt get to see him but on rare ocassions. But then again, she had quit going to church. Her faith was dwindling fast due to the fact that god just didnt seem interested in listening anymore. Cold.
She found a small bit of comfort being able to talk to him. he was just like that. Her big brother.
she felt the need to just talk to him when she needed an friend, like a good person he took it and lended support. It was always him. In the end, when her heart was filled to the brim with sadness and heart ache, when she loved the neglectfull man who left her for no reason at all...after so long...It was still him that she loved. His face she saw when she thought of the dreaded four letter word.
And she was so happy for him. He had been in a wonderfull relationship with an amazing girl, but she just could help but to feel her heart sink. Why couldnt she have what they had? Why couldnt the man she was with be like that? So perfect. . .
so one night. . .laying in her dark room starring up at the white paint above her. She got an idea. She had cut before, dabbled in suicide a little. But this time she felt it was real. the urge to just end it all, because she could see what was coming her way, the end. Why could she be like the other girls? why could she have love? Why didnt it exist? Because. she just wasnt pretty enough. Not for the man she had made love to. Not for the man she had met at church. not for anyone. She didnt deserve love. she was a bad, dirty little girl with no escape. So she sighed, seeing only two ways out. she could take the hard way, the long way. she could try her best to be pretty and bubbly. Try her best to make it down the road of life, work hard to get everything she wanted. . .Or she could lay there in all her pitifull depression, and let the dark swallow her up. let it suffocate her. Let it bring her into the void of eternal dark.
But what to choose?
If she chose life, she would undoubtidly have to face more and more of this wretched heart break. but then again, wasnt it worth it? to be able to watch the dawn of a new day on the horizon. so watch the birth of a child. To watch as those around her live and grow and prosper.
what would she choose?

Find out in my next blog post. I'll tell you what she is deciding. What im deciding.

here we are...

Im not sure why i feel so bad today. Maybe its because my boyfriend can find the time to go to kingsly and not here. Maybe its because an old boy friend wants to get back with me. Hell, maybe its because im having PMS isshues. but idk, it might even be because i cant get my shit ass computer to post the picture i have of one of my drawings.

But yeah, i have been making an effort to post about myself and my day lately. so here is a run down. I have posted ch 1 2 and 3 of my new story 'Overtaken' onto storywrite. Idt anyone has read it yet, but im hoping to get some feed back soon.

My mom went on a date with an airplane captain whose daughter is 14 and already a genius. Hell, the chick will have her pilots lisence before her car lisence. . .meh...

My art!!!!

I have decided to start posting regular updates on my art stuff, as well as the dorky vidios i will be posting on youtube...soon...maybe. Anyways...Today was a normal day i guess. except i wore PINK. and all the guys paid attention to me! yay!

Okay, also, a few things have been going through my head today, like maybe meeting someone new and falling in love again, getting married and having a few...!!! wait, did i just say the word MARRIAGE???

And then i started thinking about a wedding. What would mine be like? It would probably be a very out of the norm wedding, with neon green and blue ribbons, orange flowers, red drapes and carpets, and then neon silly string flying everywhere while trance music blasted and everyone danced all around.

But i think that, the only way i could possibly even think the word marriage, is if my best friend and brother John Pavlick, somehow disguised himself as a woman and was one of my maids of honor. But lets just face it, John can never, and would never, pass as a girl. Even if he wanted to. Which he wouldnt, because im sure that a brides maids dress would make him very uncomfortable. ^_^

Lmfao. I was thinking about john in a dress with shaved legs when i was in science class, and i started laughing, and everyone was like O.O. and the teacher was like "miss Petersen, do you find something funny about Solubility???" and i was like "no sir! '^-^"

The awesomenessez that isez mez!!!!

Okay, anyone who is anyone who has seen me, or talked to me, knows that i am the friggin shit. No, i dont mean the stuff thats always up your ass, i mean the awesome shit that makes the world go round. Without me, the worlds gravitational pull would be disrupted, sending time and space into a spinning chaos, freezing the deserts and heating the polar regions, flooding the earth and plunging the top of mt everest into the deapest depths of the ocean! I am the type of awesome that can go to fat to skinny in a few days! My eyes can even change friggin color! So does my hair from time to time...

You see? Where would you all be without me? Thats right, at the bottom of the ocean in little tiney water globes breathing out of air tanks for the rest of your lives. ^_^ Now, enough ranting. This was just a small blog post to get you to understand the awesome powers i possess. ^_^ [spelling not included]

This awesome post includes a few awesome photo's of me and my boyfriend Pat. Yes yes, your thinking that he wheres extremely big pants. Well, he does. Not only does he need the extra space to put various different things in his pockets, he has isshues about people looking at his butt. ^_^

His hair is also a bit longer now days as well, and he hasnt shaved in god knows how long, so he's got this cute little beard/mustache/side burn thing going on. lol.

Snow...

When i was little, stuck inside while my father worked and my mother sat reading her books, i remember looking out the window and giggling at the sight of the little frozen ice specs that fell lightly to the ground, covering it in a cold winter blanket.
But when i got older, and finaly i could go outside, i descovered that the snow really wasnt as magical as i thought it was. My big brother often put my face in it, threw it at me, and left me out alone in the middle of a snowy feald. [Was afraid of being alone]
The snow was my worst enemy from then on. The summers seemingly were very short, and the winters never ended. I would glare at the tiny shapes of snow that would fall from the sky like rain, wondering why the heat of my hatred wouldnt melt them.
And to this day i hate the snow. Being as young as i am, i cant use it to my advantage, like everything else around me. The snow prevents me from being with the man i love. I would probably love the snow if it wasnt so cold, or if i was older, and could drive to see my Patrick and get warm in his arms. But NO!!! life has to be cruel to me, and freez the earth so i cant see my patrick....

This morning me and my brother woke from a peaceful sleep, got ready, and then went out into the freezing snow, in the middle of a snow storm. We waited for at least a half an hour in the snow, occumulating inches of snow on our bodies. To make things better, i wasnt propperly dressed for the snow. I was in a SMALL SWEAT SHIRT AND JEANS.
And to top things off, the buss never came. It was a snow day. So me and River trudged back into the hour, covered in snow, and watched a movie. My hair didnt thaw until an hour later...

so....to conclude this post on snow....BA HUMBUG!

first in a long time

Some things have happened to me in the past four months, since i met the man i love in late june. It started with a trip to the library. He saw me, and i looked right through him like he wasnt even there. Whenever he saw me in town from then on he whistled, yelled, and then went to run and hide whenever i looked toward him, until one day i followed the noise...

I met Patrick Michael Paquette at the park where he was sitting with a friend smoking a cigerette. I didnt really give him much attention, but i knew he was looking at me. So i went over and started to talk to the guy he was sitting with, whom i knew already to be Chriss Douglas.

I sat next to patrick, and grinned when i felt him tense by my side, and i turned and smiled at him, and i earned a very nervouse smile from him, and then i made a comment about the table we were sitting on. We talked about the table for the next five minutes before his friend Ty appeared. I didnt like him. I hung out with the group of people, just because i was starting to feel like i maybe liked to talk to this new and interesting person.

Right now i cant stand to look at the table we had first met on. It makes me cry when i look at a spot that has so many memories tied to it, and to know that there wont be any new ones being made.

July 6th 2009, two weeks after we met, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes, and for two months after that, we had an amazing time, seeing eachother every day, growing closer and closer. Until mom found out we were having sex.

Im not aloud to see him outside of my home anymore. And as you can imagin a boy doesnt just want to sit down in his girlfriend house and kiss her all the time. Its boring. So we grew apart. ve tried to end things with him, but we just arent ready to let go of eachother.

Im growing more depressed the longer he is away, and im sure he is losing interest. I just wish God would answer the prayer i have been praying for the last month now, and help our relationship. I gave everything to Patrick. I want him to be the one i stay with.

Please dear readers. Pray for me and patrick. Pray that our relationship survives and gets better. My voice is getting tired of asking each night. My eyes hurt from crying. I want to be happy again. Help me.

Thank you very much. Talk to you later.

back!!!

okay, im sooo sorry its been like a month since i have updated, and in that last month alot has happened. alot of drama and alot of shit.
well, me and patrick are in a hardspot. my mother found out out about our relationship, and im not aloud out of the house without an adult every day now. patrick got his job back tat he lost because of me and he is working every day all day and making good money. but we havent been seeing eachother lately. a few nights he has spent outside with me in secret, but that didnt last either. since he got a job. and then his own mo9ther said that he wasnt aloud to date me anymore or she would call the cops on him or kick him outof the house.so now he is working hard so he can get a house. byut the other day my friend lee told me that patrick had a new girlfriend. i confronted hm about it and he said hat he only saw her once, and it was for his mothers sake. he said he wouldnt be seeing her again. despite our recentfights over stupid shit, he still can say he loves me and he still tells me godnight. i think he will be coming over soon to a party we are havin for the older folk. he was invited for my sake i beleive.but anyway. i dont think we are dating or waiting for eachother anymore. i think we might get back ogether when he has his own place, but not until he realizes that whn you wait for someone, regardless of if you thinkyour mother is suspiciouse, you dont date other girls!
especialy not you best friends ex girlfriend.

but yeah, today i went to traverse city and got a few pars of pants and makeup with a hair straightener. i have lost a awesome amoutn of weight, although i think i gained soem after eating burger king...
and i went to an awesome fun corse today and rode the very large zip line and gt the pleasure of seeing the young workers on the zipline flirt with me. ^_^

im downloading a few songs from grease on blubster too, and enjoing myself very much.

TTYL!!!